You Say Goodbye, and I Say Hello

I know I've posted about this before, but it seems to be a continual theme in my life lately.

You see, greeting people here can sometimes get very confusing. People greet each other with two kisses here - one on each cheek, starting with the right cheek. You kiss to say hello, and then you kiss to say goodbye. Occasionally with a close friend you might hug. But you'll still probably kiss.

North African women greet with three kisses: one on the right cheek and two on the left.

Americans greet friends with hugs, and strangers with handshakes.

French and Italians kiss too, but I haven't figured out the "rules" to their greetings yet.

Then you mix it all together and nobody really knows what to do.

Some Americans take on the local tradition and greet with two kisses. Others prefer hugs. Others still, persist in handshakes. North Africans, French, Italians, and all the rest of the world also pick and choose what kind of greeting to give, but it's easier with the "kissers" because at least you can expect a kiss, however you may not know how many (or on what cheek!).

So lately, any time I meet a new person, I go for the kisses. If they happen to be an American who's been here for a while, it's not so weird because they're used to it.

But if it's an American with whom you're actually friends, then they'll probably want to hug. But hugging and kissing both involve leaning towards the other, and sometimes I forget what I'm supposed to be doing.

Some people hug AND kiss. Do you kiss on the side you're hugging at the beginning or the end of the hug? How long does the hug last before you kiss the other cheek? Do you hug again when you kiss the other cheek?

Then there are the Americans who are fresh off the boat. They're usually aware that you're supposed to kiss people, but it's still slightly uncomfortable for them, so they're hesitant to kiss another American. They'll usually try to follow your lead, but when you're already as awkward as I am, it can be quite messy. Girls seem to adjust faster than guys, who stay stuck somewhere between side hugs, kisses, and handshakes for a bit longer.

Then there's the "American man living in Spain that I'm sort of friends with but only see once a month" situation. That's REALLY confusing. You don't hug him the same way you would hug a close friend, if you were to hug him. But you're not sure if you should kiss him because it's always kind of weird kissing American men, since we don't typically kiss the opposite gender unless they're a significant other or a family member. But he's too good of a friend to shake hands with.

And what do you do with an American when your hands are full? You can't adequately hug with shopping bags or your guitar or baked goods in your hands, yet you're not sure how this person has adjusted to the kissing culture. Is it a friend or a stranger? A close friend or a new friend? The first time you're meeting or the 32nd? All of this affects what you should do. But what actually happens is a different story.

What's a girl to do?

To make it worse, get a whole bunch of Americans together for lunch one day, and when it's time to go everybody goes around hugging, kissing, shaking hands, but each with their own style, a mix of American and foreign customs. What a mess!

A few weeks ago I kissed a guy when I shouldn't have. We had chatted a few times over the course of the evening and then he leaned in to say something in my ear (it was really loud) and I, out of habit, kissed his cheek.

He jumped back and said, "thanks!"

Trust me bud, it wasn't on purpose.

But I'm quite sure I blushed and he probably thought I was way into him.*

Then the other day the same thing happened - it's loud, a guy leans in to tell me something and I, thinking he was saying goodbye, kissed him. This guy, however, completely ignored it and continued on with what he was saying. Apparently he wasn't as flattered as the first guy.

I'm not sure if the situations would have been better or worse had it been a girl leaning in to tell me something.

All that to say, I never know what to do. Hug? Kiss? Handshake?

Sometimes it's just easier to say "I'm going to give you a hug," but then that can be just as awkward in it's own way.

When I went back to the States for Lissy's wedding I was relieved in part to know that all I had to do was hug everybody, but at the same time frustrated because I kept wanting to kiss people, but knowing that it would freak them all out (especially my guy friends) I had to hold back what had become natural to me.

When I first arrived here a year ago I thought that all of this confusion would clear up with time, but it appears I was wrong. Each day, each new acquaintance, each greeting seems more confusing than the last.

I think I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll never know just how to greet each person, so all I can do is laugh at myself and move on to the next victim.

*Tim once told me that if I hadn't told him flat out I wasn't into him, he would have thought I was. Despite my lack of flirting skills, my friendly nature apparently comes across as flirting, leading to much confusion on the part of many.